A newly wed questioning monogamy?

Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher just celebrated their 85th wedding anniversary. Having recently promised my husband that I would be by his side ‘till death do us part’, their achievement has got me thinking. Upon reading about Herbert and Zelmyra’s anniversary in Tim Elliott’s SMH article and considering his musings, I have grappled with a kaleidoscope of emotions over the past 24 hours.

A couple of things that Tim commented on in his article have got me thinking.

Firstly, we should not use animal anatomy (i.e. the larger the male’s testicle size, the more promiscuity is hard wired into the species - as seen in chimps and baboons who have large testicles, therefore huge sperm production capabilities and are prodigiously promiscuous) to explain, rationalise or justify human polygamy. Why? Because such an observation fails to consider the complexity of emotions that are woven into human relationships and are absent from animal relationships.

Secondly, polygamous behaviour of ancient civilisations is an excuse, not a justification for polygamous behaviour in the 21st century. A ‘they did it, so why can’t we’ attitude doesn’t really cut it for me.

At this point, it would be fare to put me in the ‘idealistic newly-wed’ category. But keep reading, because I have a feeling that what I am about to write is going to surprise even myself!

Yes, I do believe that marriage is for life.
Yes, I do believe that it is possible to enjoy monogamy.
Yes, I do believe in monogamy over polygamy.

Having said all of that, I don’t believe that being in love means you are immune to the opposite sex. However, what’s important is how you chose to manage this ‘lack of immunity’.

From my perspective, there are three potential ways for someone in a relationship to tackle this challenge:
1) choose to run with your emotions, embrace polygamy (and its consequences) and possibly use the above points raised in Tim’s article to justify your actions
2) recognise your emotions, and then put them to bed. Value and be content with what you have rather than fantasise over what your don’t
3) recognise your emotions and find appropriate channels for them to be addressed that don’t impact on your relationship in the long term

Now this is where I surprise myself. My beliefs and values are a product of the society in which I have been raised within. Consequently, I would choose Option 2 as a way to address any ‘lack of immunity ‘ to the opposite sex that I may experience.

Having said that, I find myself strangely open to the Brazilian Mamuse described in Tim’s article – a designated festive period where adults are free to have sex with whoever they chose. Such an idea is a possible solution to Option 3. However, it raises the following questions:

1) Does setting timed ‘parameters’ around polygamy address any desire to be promiscuous in an otherwise monogamous relationship?
2) Is this time-out from monogamy enough to keep the ‘lack of immunity’ at bay, allowing for an otherwise fulfilling and happy monogamous relationship?
3) Would I be willing for my husband and I to participate in this festival?

I have raised a lot of questions - questions that I don’t necessarily have an answer to (especially my last question!). Importantly, I think that a newly wed couple, a middle age couple and an aged couple would have different answers. I’m sure a chat with Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher would shed much more light on this debate! The question that I am burning to ask them is: what role did monogyny and polygamy play in them achieving 85 years of marriage?